she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
