can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
