So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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