hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, beer. Big fan.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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