She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
