are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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