Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
