half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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