You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize