When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
