i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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