Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
