I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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