Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
