he shaved USA in his pubs
He kissed a someone with a penis
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
