I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just want to make out with him forever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
