Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize