Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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