I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
