Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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