Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
