i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
