He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
