Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
