so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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