According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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