if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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