I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
