I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
