feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize