No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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