New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
