i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
