"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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