how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
