There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
