remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
