It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
