Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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