Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
