I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
