It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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