it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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