two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Boobs speak an international language.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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