we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
