Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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