When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
