She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
