He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if only i could text you this smell
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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