Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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