I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
