Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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