maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
