so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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