Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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