Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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