When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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