And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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