before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
