Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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