I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize