there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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