Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
