You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
