Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
