I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I will die if light touches me.
i barfeds in our rink
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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