I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
