hell yes lets make some ravioli
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
