dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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