I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
